You know how they say that while you’re making plans, God is laughing? Or at least something like that? Originally I had planned to run a 8 mile race (Rock the 80’s) in less than two weeks as part of my training plan for my next half marathon (Folsom Blues Breakout in October). But with the groin pull all that (and as an added bonus my half I was supposed to run in May) went out the window. Sorry paid fees, you’re gone. Sorry 10 mile easy runs, you’re gone too. Sorry endurance and outside runs, bye-bye.
It’s been 4 months since I got hurt at my last race, which was still an awesome race and I’d totally do it again but this time without the injury. I’m feeling amazing but my confidence has been shaken. I use a lot of negatives and past tense when I talk about my running. I used to run half marathons, I used to run outside. I remember running 10 miles like it was no big deal. Negatives, negatives, negatives.
But lately, the last week or so, I’ve been turning my thoughts forward. I’m feeling amazing but I still haven’t run outside so that leaves a lot of doubts about what I can and can’t do. The half I’d planned to run next month is not going to happen. That’s a fact. I just don’t have enough time to train the way I like to. And I’m not willing to push it and get hurt more/again.
So now I’m turning my thoughts to November, specifically the 2014 Davis Turkey Trot (1/2 Marathon). It’s far enough out that I could start with my long run this Saturday with only 4 miles. Now here’s where my confidence is rocky. I’d need to run outside, on the road, like a real person does when training. It means stepping away from the treadmill where I know I can run 99.5% pain-free and putting myself out there.
The last time I ran outside was 8 weeks after my injury and I was in so much pain that I could barely make a mile and then it was a 13 minutes or so pace. I’ll be honest with you and myself…I’m scared. I’m scared it will hurt. I’m scared I won’t be able to do it. I’m scared I’ll have to walk. I’m scared people will see me. I’m scared. I have a nice safe gym membership until the middle of October and by then it’ll be dark. Dark is like a blanket. No one will see me fail and I can fail in private.
Fail in private? Really? Wow, I’m defeating myself already. I’m basically saying that I can’t do it. That’s terrible. I’ve never been that kind of girl. I’ve always been the type that when you say, “Girls don’t do…,” I do whatever it is that girls don’t do! And never tell me not do something or say that I can’t because I will. And let’s face it. I’m going to have to face running outside, in public, on the ground at some point. My gym membership is going to end and then it’s face the music. So I think I’m going to tackle this one straight on. Saturday will be an outside run. I will have to get up early so I can run before it get’s hot but it’ll be worth it.
Pro’s and Con’s list for running outside:
- Pro: It’s outside
- Con: It’s outside!
- Pro: Wind in my face
- Con: People will see me!
- Pro: Interesting scenery
- Con: Might be painful
- Pro: If it hurts, I can go back to the gym
- Pro: It’s not boring
- Pro: Checking out new neighborhoods
- Pro: The sun on my face
- Pro: Crunchy leaves
- Pro: The park
- Pro: Trails
- Pro: Weather of all kinds, except wind
- Con: Wind
I think the pros out weigh the cons. This Saturday is do or die. Outside run at 6am! Be there…or be inside at the gym…